Pomp and Circumcision

So Jen graduated today.

It was mother fucking hotter then Hell in that gymnasium. Complete and total garbage. But man, it made me really, really sad. Thought a lot about my graduation in 2004. Grandpa was there, probably one of the last times I saw him truly healthy. It was hilarious seeing him climb under a desk and act like a maniac, just like I always remembered Grandpa. Oh, did I mention Grandpa was under a mother fucking desk? Yeah, that's because we had a FUCKING TORNADO, so it took a whopping five hours to graduate. Oh, and it was totally worth it.

However, the highlight of the day wasn't watching my little sister walk up onto the stage and accept her Academic Honors diploma. In actuality, I was totally pumped about me and my cousin Bob blast out gem after gem as we watched various idiots graduate, or hear their families scream like they won the fucking lottery when their name was called. Pure and total white trash.


"God, it looks like that kid got face fucked by John Goodman."
-Me

Bob: "Oh man, that is easily the HEALTHIEST woman I have ever seen. "
Me: "Yeah, it's about time for me to fuck her oxygen tank."


"That kid is the anti-Christ."
-Bob

"I seriously cannot believe that kid's muscle tone. Good lord, his body reminds me of a dry sea sponge getting shoved into Hugh Grant's anus."
-Me


Those are just the one's I can remember off the top of my head. So there are people filing into my house for Jen's party. I am literally going to stuff my face full of greasy burgers, beer, and strawberries. What an American diet.

So the Indy 500. Seriously, it needs to restart. I'm fucking furious. Tony Kanaan is winning, and I picked him to win. And man, what a shocker! Four of the top five racers are from Andretti Green racing. Nothing but animals.

None of these are related, but who cares?! Maybe I'll have a more profound update later.