Sometimes I want to be a train. Other times something else.

It'd be great being a train. You'd have momentum posing as steam and smoke. People would call it pollution, you would call it sweat and the afterbirth of working for ten straight hours. It pours from your gears and the stalks that churn you forward. 

**

So, I think you should drink Vitamin Water. Never in my life have I drank something that instantly obliterated thirst. Like you're outside shoveling or trimming the cracks in the driveway, and your mouth tastes like what you'd imagine friction and despair meeting together and creating some soy-based dish.

See. People usually have to get through an entire glass of cold water before they're no longer thirsty. This stuff? It hits your lips like Dick Butkus pounding Larry Csonka right into frozen dirt. It hurts, then relief. 

Now I need to go upstairs and pull one out of the fridge.

Damn, no grape ones. I settled for the XXX concoction: blueberry, acai and pomegranate. My insides are on holiday.

**

I'm going to be doing a lot more reading this year. I'm promising this to myself. I'm open to suggestions. Or you can just mail me books. How about you do that? Mail me 350 papercuts waiting to happen.  I think I read two books last year. Maybe. Two novels. Tons of short stories and poems, but you can't keep track of those.

**

When I was a kid, I wanted to write some stupid song about a celebrity and get it on the radio. What about Rosa Parks? Shit, Outkast beat me to it. She was all pissy about the song, too, which makes me mad. It's a great song. Don't believe me? Watch this.

See, I knew you'd change your mind.

**

I shaved my beard today and now I need a haircut. Also, I'll be in Muncie Wednesday. Get ready.