So, this is a conversation that's happened somewhere before.

Okay, so let's talk about some things that make us wonder.

Wonder about what?

I don't even know. I had this girlfriend a few years ago who would speak in a made up language when we had sex.

Did she know any other languages?

No, just English and that made up one. It wasn't the Charlie Brown grown-up speech, or a roll of pennies in a blender speech. You knew the words mattered to her and made sense.

Neither of us are smart enough to make our own language. Have you ever wanted to travel to the middle of the Earth?

Not really, I hate cars, and buses. And whatever mode of transportation might bring me to the middle of the Earth.

Just think about it for a second though: if like... theories and science are true, wouldn't you just get to the center of the Earth and flat there forever because of gravity and inertia?

Those are Scrabble words to me that're worth a lot of points. But yeah, it might be fun to be stuck somewhere for a while. You'd have a lot of time to write an apology if you needed to.

Yeah, I need to apologize to a few people. I tried to drown my mom's dog last week. It kept chewing through my shoelaces.

How'd you try to drown it? Did she stop you?

No, the toilet kept automatically flushing itself, so I gave up after a while. I did end up spending five minutes brushing my teeth. My gums felt like a rainsuit after I was done.

That's always a good feeling. Do you ever want to just run until your joints freeze up and your feet swell from all the sweat that can't escape your body?

I actually don't like running. I don't own running shoes. In gym class, I always ran in sandals. My arches are terrible.

What's a good arch or bad?

A foot specialist could probably answer that.

You know what movie I hate more than anything?

Adventures in Babysitting?

No, Forrest Gump. I love how your face scrunched up when you said Babysitting.

It's probably illegal somewhere for you to not like Forrest Gump. What could you possibly not like about that movie? It was flawless.

You know the scene where Lieutenant Dan got his legs blown off?

Of course.

I didn't care at all about that scene. I was supposed to. Somebody was mutilated, and Bubba died and I didn't even care. I'm pretty sure the first time I saw that movie, I walked in front of the screen and went to the bathroom.

Poor manners.

I know, I'm probably the only person who didn't feel something. The ending sucked, too. I wish that feather would've been sucked up into a plane turbine or something.

But then the ending would've meant nothing.

It already meant nothing to me.

But not to everyone else.

What's your least favorite car that you've owned?

Back in high school I drove a Probe. Black... it was a stick shift. The hood had a hole in it and whenever it rained or snowed, the top of the engine would steam like a restaurant grill. It ran until I got rear-ended on my way home from the movie theatre a few years ago.

Well, how could you hate it? Sounds like a dependable car to me.

When I was leaving senior prom, my date had her period on the seat. She ruined it. I don't know why, but I loved those seats. When I just didn't feel like dealing with my family, I'd go sleep in that car. After that, I couldn't do it. It was like the car was haunted.

I would've just bought a seat cover.

That’s not the point. The point is a girl’s crotch exploded on my seat. The only part of the car I could tolerate. I wanted to burn the car.

And the girl?

Didn’t put out. Kinda’ ruined prom for us both.

I never went to prom. I just stayed at home and welded.

Welded?

Yeah, it’s the best feeling I’ve ever had. I soldered, too. Have you ever made something out of nothing?

I don’t think that’s possible.

It’s entirely possible. That’s what welding is. Turning waste into resources. Remember shop with Mr. Tosch?

I skipped twice a week.

That day he brought in all of those scraps for us to turn into furniture was the best day of my life.

All I remember about that class was making the electric bird feeders. Mine killed birds.

You’re such a masochist.

It was entirely on accident.

Doubt it. But seriously, I made my parents an entire patio set for the campfire. They still use that shit, it hasn’t rusted.

The man’s nails were piss yellow. That always freaked me out. I think he was Jaundiced.

Your attention to detail is nauseating. I always thought that his “worthless class” was the least “worthless class” we had to take in high school. Remember that business prep class?

The one where I drew dicks all over my resume?

Flip books. Every day in the corner of that text book. Every single day.

Nothing wrong with that. Although, I’m glad we had to take it. It was almost like having back to back study halls.

Thinking about that class is making me tired. Do we have any more chips?

Baked Lays or those lime tortilla things?

Either. At this point I’ll take anything with sodium. My insides are wilting.

I love running my finger around the base of this bean dip jar. I feel like that plastic diver in the aquarium.

Can you imagine how wonderful his life is? Like that scene in Life Aquatic over and over again.

I cried during that scene. It was so sad. He finally won.

I know. Angelic Huston is such a fox.

A fox?

A fox.